Things are such a chaotic mess, spiraling ever down towards a crash landing against my will, pride and life. It's all my fault, all of this. If I could just give up everything and be happy with what I have, settle for this instead of having hopes, dreams, wants and desires everything would be okay. I'd be okay with this, with him. I love him so god damned much and I can't for the life of me understand why he treats me the way he does, why he can't be affectionate, loving and careing. It's like he has no heart left, no tenderness left in his soul. He is draining all the love for anything from my heart and leaving me trapped like a bird in a cage. Dreaming of open skies, the sun and the clouds, the wind upon my face and never ending freedom. Only to be locked in a box and fed only what he decides to give me and I'm supposed to love him for it.....but I do love him so much. I would leave if I had the heart the heart to leave the man who said he would never love again and yet chose to love me. How could I ever hurt him? How could I ever inflict such a thing upon any person? I know too well what it is to have your heart torn from your chest, still beating bright, and have it crushed before your very eyes by the one whom held it so dearly. How could I ever do that? I've put myself in this position, it was my desire and curiosity that got me my devotion and love that keep me here but my heart and soul that pay the price, and such a dear price that it is. To live without a person who holds you close and whispers in your ear at night how much they love you and will never let you go, that they will hold you tight until the sands of time themselves erode us away, it is torture. I need passion, I need love at it finest and won't rest until I find it. It's killing me, sitting here, stuck in a cage lick some domesticated slave animal, some pet for a man who likes the way I look, or likes having me around. I'm a being filled with a thirst and need for adventure, the unknown, wild abandon. Being stuck like this does nothing but rot my soul and stagnate my heart, threatens to take it all away. I'm beyond a point of breaking, I'm in the midst of it. And now am faced with a choice that is all too clear. Break or be broken, the sad part is I already know which I have chosen....An iron will does not bend nor break, but when touched by the fire of love and compassion, melts.