who in your life really matters? or rather what in your life really matters? People don't matter, things don't matter, opinions don't matter, in fact the only thing I can really think of that does matter is what you learn in life, and then what you do with what you learn. Life is one giant learning experience. People come and go, time heals and things are forgotten, everything changes, the world today was not the world yesterday and will not be the world tomorrow. So why do so many people care about trivial and mundane things? Is it because it gives them something to do, something to feel and think about? Does it give them a sense of existence, a reason to be alive? A meaning to their life? Why are people so afraid the truth? So afraid of other people, and other people's thoughts? Is it that sense, the need and desire to fit in? To be accepted and loved by all? The need to be the perfect person? Well nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, people do things unintentionally all the time. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and that is all too true. I try, I really do. I try to make everyone happy, which I know you can't do, but I try anyways...and all I ever end up doing is making people mad and pushing them away or hurting them....all unintentionally. I try too hard I think, push too hard, hope too hard, Love too hard.... in the end it always, always, ends up the same. I don't even know why I'm surprised by it anymore. I guess like I said, I just hope too hard...I'm so young, such a kid, lost, don't know what to do, where to go, surrounded by people but for the most part feel exiled, pushed away, unwanted. Of course it's my fault, and I know that I've offended people, but again it was all unintentional. I have different standards than most, different views of things and I do things differently. I think that is what gets me in trouble with them most of time. they assume too much, don't really understand me, how I feel, how I react to things, then when something goes wrong because I'm doing something I thought was okay, was normal and acceptable, I get myself in trouble because I've crossed a line, broken some kind of rule or standard I was unaware of and overall just get stuck at the bottom of the heap labeled a liar, a cheat, a stupid whore etc the list goes on, again all from unintentional misunderstanding or differences of personality......*sigh, I am really that bad, fucked up, confused of a person that everyone in my life eventually, inevitably forgets about me...