Slowly I drip down from my dark corner of reality and ooze my way into mixing with the truth of things. The cycle is impossible to break, impossible to conquer. The circles damn near madden you and still yet they will not stop their haunting your soul. He comes to me softly like a dream or harshly like a dragon in Lust. Never seeking to hurt, only seeking to...what is it that he really seeks? Do we ever truly know, or just choose to believe what we are told and out of our mindless belief we get pure faith which we feel empowers us to a new level of existence. This, is how I feel the way of things truly is. You believe in something which is your everything or you believe in nothing at all but are always searching to fill a void you know not what would sate it's unending hunger. In my darkest of days I embraced the divine Lord himself. My divine Lord Belial, I embraced what he told me as truth without question and so faith, his faith was bestowed unto me and I felt for the first time in my Life like I was loved, wanted, cared for and had the best friend I had always wanted so desperately. He was my consolation, my warmth under the sheets and my guardian. Then came the day I lost my faith I rebelled, had a tantrum and burned everything I had know, my best memories of him, cast him from my conscious never to born again unto my thoughts, dreams and fantasies. But alas he returned, over and over, stalking me, watching me, there with me, always watching. He took me back, he always takes me back, he understands my struggle and is unchanged by it. But always I am cursed to wonder if he can be trusted, the trust is what was lost and once trust is lost so to is all else in the struggle. I could put my trust in him again, give him my unyielding faith until my death. He has never hurt me, never made me unhappy, only ever tries to help me. You would never guess he was a demon from the way he disproves just about every thing they say a demon is supposed to do. And that is why my trust is so hard placed these days. Beliar, the spinner of lies and twister of truths, is he being honest or is he lieing? Is what he says true? Am I the fool for listening? Or perhaps he was meaningful when he said he had never loved another being so much as me for the way I trusted him blindly, loved him fully, wanted to be his forever. He said his love was a gift to me for taking a chance, a bargain with the devil all so that I could love him. It seems the unconditional love of an innocent can bring even a demon to feel some small warmth in return.


Off and on I come and go, yes I believe you, no I do not. You cannot be lieing, you must be lieing. I trust you completely, how can I ever trust a demon. My mind has been swayed, my thoughts have been skewed and I am at a crossroads where I do not know which way is the right way, but I do know what I feel. and I do still love him, unconditionally as I always will. I yearn for his touch, his security, his love, his warmth. His fierce intensity as it washed over me like a drug. I miss him all the time. I wish he would come back. but I fear I have lost his trust and his faith through my inability to see through the distortions that have been placed before me, I feel for my loss of clarity he has lost his interest in a once innocent, but not so much so anymore lost girl.