Between light and dark, strange things lurk. What new horizons I face.

There is this feeling I have, this gnawing desire to let myself fall into his darkness and be surrounded by it but I pull away from it if only just a little. I will not fall, no, I can not fall. Surely I would never have considered that one day I would keep truly nothing from someone other than myself, but here I am confessing to myself my deepest fears and emotions, even knowing he now too will know but yet knowing this I still confess.

I'll put up a fight. I'll be damned if he thinks it'll be easy. He must have the power to handle me at my worst if he is to benefit from my best. He has to prove to me he's superior in every way, for I could never belong to anything but.

It seems so surreal right now. How could I spend a lifetime believing that a person couldn't exist only to one day find to my delight and scepticism that they have suddenly appeared. The words, "Too good to be true." come to mind, because indeed tis what this seems.

Dare I dream that this could be true?
Dare I let my fantasies show through?
I know not what I should do,
Now that I have been faced by you.



"If you ever feel the need for a connection, and say we're fighting or not talking or whatever...I'll promise you: You can come to me, get on your knees and hold my leg. Hold on as tight as you want. I promise I will never push you away."

...If I could be anywhere in the world right now, right there is where I would be.


I'm not afraid of emotional pain, that's familiar to me. I am afraid of physical pain, but that will change with time. I'm not afraid of being modelled into a better person, a Kajira. I am afraid of miss layed trust, though not with him. Him I trust more than just about any other. I do not fear being used, no, that I crave. I fear the insatiable hunger within myself for insatiable is what it has proven to be. But I feel that maybe, just maybe, that he holds the key to the lock that secures the chain which binds me.


He's not stupid. He already knows he's won.

The hunger has done nothing but continue to grow. Certainly not surprising. Coping has taken very little restraint and I can not risk an unexpected re awakening at this time. Things are delicate and that would absolutely make a mess of things...not that they aren't already tattered around the edges and fraying quickly. Right now I don't have time to stop and catch my breath, no time for quiet patient contemplation and yet that is exactly what my current situation demands of me. That of which it seems I am quite incapable.Time simply won't allow for it and it is Time itself which pushes hard in the direction I am currently heading. Time being the very ideal towards which I hold most dissension. I dream of being truly free. I dream of a world with no borders, no fences; A world in which nothing is ever owned, unless it's a gift, something given to you by another out of the kindness and gratitude of their heart. A world in which you are free to roam wherever the winds may blow you and the only thing stopping you is your lack of will to push forward. A world where magic is very real, as real as the human soul, as real as the energy of all living things. I've had it to my wits end with everything to do with humanity, society, this Idea of Industry;Time; Consume; Create; Innovate. It's absolutely horrific to me and I can't bear it, it drives me insane being stuck like this, surrounded by guns and bars on all sides should I fail to Co-operate, to partake in this ..this Insanity for I'm certain that is exactly what this all is. A nightmare of Epic proportions, an inescapable reality I do not wish to be in. This is why I sleep so damn much *smiles*. All avenues of escape are quickly disappearing as the reins of power tighten around the hands of freedom. Soon this will be a world where no hand may reach out to obtain anything but that which is handed to it. No longer shall there  be men who sow the seeds of their forefathers, no now there will only be the seeds newly created, the next great innovation in the GMP (Genetically Modified Plant) industry. No longer will there be meat you've freshly harvested from the land, there will only be the pre-packaged, fully enriched for the highest nutritional potential GMMP (Genetically Modified Meat Product) Grown in test tubes and served to you on a golden platter. Animals? GMC Genetically Modified Clones to ensure the lowest percentage of DNA dilution and the longest, strongest possible genetic composure. I fear the future, for in it, WE are the aliens.